there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
