like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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