A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
