remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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