Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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