I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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