what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
