she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
