so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
