the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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