i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
