grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
