I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
