Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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