I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
