who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
