Don't make out with my wife yet
I look better un-naked...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
