shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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