remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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