If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize