I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
