So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
