I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
