Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
