I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
50% drunk capacity currently
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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