you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
