I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
