My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
