just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
