Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
