I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
