I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
