Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
