i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
