Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize