The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
