yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
