....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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