Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Congratulations! We have a period
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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