I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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