Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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