woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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