:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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