I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize