it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
