3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
