I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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