i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
