Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
