you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
