I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
