I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
