I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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