New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
