if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
