The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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