I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
