my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i was born a porn star she said
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
