I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
