I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
