Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
