how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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