she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
