There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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