Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
