You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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