does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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