You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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