There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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