Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
