3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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