You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Naked Twister starts at high noon
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
