You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
