Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
